Stylist needed IMMEDIATELY!!

'Here we go again' with a case where a stylist needs to be fired, and fired fast! So I'm watching the UNCF's tribute to Aretha Franklin on BET last night and talking to mommy on the phone. Before I get in front of the television, mommy's going on about Aretha's dress and how she doh understand what she's wearing. So being me, I try to look for a logical explanation...surely a designer must be paying her to wear it. I sit down in front of the tv and see the severity of the situation. I swear I had to do a double take because I thought I was seeing big bird with a new hair colour (read: feathers).
Now Aretha, 'no one could ever love you more' than I do, but babes which blasted 'chain of fools' did you hire to be your stylists? There 'ain't no way' they should've let you leave your dressing room looking like that. I mean I know it's your night, and you want to stand out, but come on! Who recruits these people that call themselves fashion stylists?

Anyway Lady Soul, no disrespect intended here... 'I say a little prayer' and hope that at the next awards/tribute show your outfit will be just as classy and timeless as you are. Now demand some 'respect' and get a new team! You do 'stand accused', that will be a fine for tiefing big birds' feathers and a referral list of new stylists.

Express Yourself

So I've just finished a phone conversation with someone that I hold very dear to my heart. During the conversation it hit me that I reaaaally don't express myself as well as I think I do. I mean, I have come a long way, I am alot better with saying what is on my mind, or should I say some of what's on my mind than I was a year ago. My lack of expression hit me when I said "as if you didn't know" to which they replied, no I didn't.
I've been more determined this past year to walk down the path of personal growth and I believe I am succeeding slowly, but surely...baby steps you know?

Anyway, among the many things that I'm working on, I have now added to the list that I need to try to express my feelings some more so that people are on the same page with me. Be patient with me, I am a work in constant progress.

Deal Breakers aka things that will get you NO PLAY; Volume 1

1. Turtle tendencies will get you nowhere. If you get a phone number from a purty lady, and two, maybe three weeks pass by and you haven't used it...lets just say that when you do decide to call she won't really want to talk to you

2. Dating aka seeing someone aka 'talking' in your mind counts for nothing. The other party should be privy to this information before you go around telling your peeps that the two of you are together

3. I know this is a sore topic, but how long does it REALLY take to get over an ex? I mean if it's a year later, you haven't spoken and she doh call, it's ova ova ova! What yuh waiting on padna?

4. Ok fellas there's nothing wrong with being in style and fashionable, but if you show up at my door and your pants are tighter than mine, or your eyebrows are more shapely...umm yea you can finish the rest. Penis printout is NOT cute, neither is pink patchwork on your jeans

5. Having no concept of when to use your inside voice is not attractive either. I mean if I'm right beside you and we're say, in the car at a stoplight, the person across the street shouldn't be looking around wondering if you're talking to him/her

6. When a woman is done she's done dammit! If you do something unforgivable (you hurt her or someone she cares for deeply etc.) don't be trying to get ANY play, move it along somewhere else playa!

7. Homie this isn't soul train, and besides you can't really dance anyway. If you see a group of ladies out dancing and having fun, trying to stick yourself up in the middle of their circle ain't cool. Take a hint when the circle keeps reforming with you on the outside facing someone's back

8. Don't tap me on my waist when you are finished dancing with me, that crap is so annoying!

9. ...and if I dance with you, don't follow me around for the rest of the night, damn!

10. And the same goes for you buying me a drink. Don't think that because you helped quench my thirst that I'm obligated to you for the rest of the night because you DON'T want me to go to the bathroom and pee that drink out and give it right back to you

11. My deal breaker is smoking. Don't even try with the breath mints and cologne because, yep you guess it...the deal is off!

12. An invite over to your place on the first date is cool, but doing your laundry, smoking a joint and falling asleep sure as hell is not!

That's it for now ladies and gents. I'll be back with volume 2 when I witness some more high class ridiculousness:)

**none of the above events have happened to me personally**

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